i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
