u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
