i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
