and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
