It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
