1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
