is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
