just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
