ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
