PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
