My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
