You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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