The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
