it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
