the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
