We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
