Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
