Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
