When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
