Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
