sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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