just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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