hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sext me about skeletons
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
