you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
