Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
