State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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