Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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