Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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