my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
