I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
