from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
