Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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