I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
