i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
