I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
