maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
