I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
