out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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