woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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