Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
