i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
