bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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