Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
