I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
