Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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