my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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