College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
