I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
