I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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