I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
