grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
