That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
