He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
