My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
